My Journal
Hello! I hope this site can be used as a place where i cant shout out all my thoughts into the void. just a girl trying her best :)
8/24/25:
SILKSONG IS HERE WOO!! sorry i didn't update, school starts tomorrow so its getting me really anxious. I have to remind myself that I can handle it. I handled it before, I can handle it now. Im very tired and my neck hurts but the other day I was out and got this pretty view of the lake. Ill miss the two weeks of free time I got.. Im glad I was able to mark one thing off my list for the summer (or I guess two, I wanted to watch more things) so I'm happy. Im just tired. Anyway, i got a pumpkin donut and im excited for fall. I miss halloween aarrggg im excited, I reallyy want to enjoy it this year!
8/12/25:
I dont feel very appricated at work :p good thing i only have till this month, but im kinda sad how i didnt ask for a day off I feel like its too late now. idk.
8/11/25:Im really trying to rush this animatic im doing because I only have two weeks left till I have to go back to school again .. Im already super anxious but ik pretending it doesnt exist is only feeding the problem aa.
8/09/25:I went to Ikea for the first time! i was so exhausted though i had no idea how big it was but atleast i got some choclate out of it lol. I was planning on getting a new lamp for my desk but honestly, i was too tired at the end to look.. eh maybe one day. but today was good i started drawing again :)
I meant to write yesterday but I was busy with my final essay but now im free!! (for now). I also watched midsommar but idk how to feel about it. I also am a bit sad i drew some art for this one person but they didnt respond and idk i shouldn't be like expecting anything back but i kinda feel like they dont really want to talk with me. kinda upsetting i was hoping for a friendship out of the time we're talking but it always leads to nowhere..
I've also realized how much i come to resent this fandom im "in". there's nothing wrong with it, but im starting to associate it with bad memories and now I feel like i sunk too much of my time into. fandoms and hobbies should be an extension of you, NOT your entire identity. Idk, feel kinda lost right now. It doesn't help that the only structure i feel is in an internship im taking, but since my mentor left nobody really acknowledges me.. i feel like im stuck not knowing what to do where to go.
Its technically the next day since its 1:32AM right now but im working on my essay... still. final one though yipiee!!!!! also, so bizzare, but like listening to spongebob season 1 with background fan noise makes me work harder??? idk??? maybe its the fan and jusssttt enough of sound where it also adds to white noise idk. Its feels very familiar bc i had spongebob on the background as a kid alll the time so maybe my brain is like oh yeah we know this. Probably also its all season one and I think i have it memorized to the point where i can visualize everything as im writing lol. annywayyss im too tired to revise this essay i will leave it till tomorrow morning then send it off and im free!!!! im thinking of buying something for myself to celebrate but i dont know what yet..
8/04/25:
Last essay. I also watched sinners last night! I like the music lol. Ive been feeling really anxious today idk if thats going to go away but it was better than last night bc i stayed up till 4 bc of how anxious i was lol. Anyway, i wish i can just be done with this essay im soooo close to the finish line i can feel it but my brain is all but fried lol.
8/03/25:
I cant belueve its already been 3 days in august, thats literally insane. I basically did everything i could to not do this essay. Im on coffee 5 but im doing that because im so drained. I hate papers. I'm so tired i just want it to be overr.. Update: i did it. im so, so tired but i did it.. Just 1 more essay but then im DONE. I'm honestly so tired i could cry lmaooo but i also turned in the worst essay in my life but ill be damned if i have to look at it for one more second. you know its bad when i only skimmed it before i submitted, im so done lol
8/02/25:Turns out going outside IS actually good for you. didn't do a lick of my essay though but idc (i really should). I also signed up for this art thing with people and i regret that sooooo much idk why i did it but im not going to cancel its too late. sigh, live and learn ig.
8/01/25:
I HATE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why make me do 6 page papers every weeekkkk Im so burnt out im going to scream. I need to lock in but i cant this is the most boring paper ive ever done in my life and I dont know how i did it for the past 4 weeks. i did like 24 page paper in just a month!!! insane!!! Honestly, looking back im pretty proud of myself considering how I cried at that class bc I thougt i was too stupid to do it lol. Ig if its anything, i got a bit more confidence in myself that i can handle hard things so yipie!!
Anyway, i was really bored today and filled with procrastination so i made homemade cookies, made some pizza, and learned how to retie my ukulele sting! I only got through 1/4 of my rough draft for my essay (i already finished my researching though) so i hope to finish it. I'm also deciding to go out tomorrow because ive been stuck at home for 2 weeks and its been bumming me out. I miss going out with family too :(
7/31/25:Thought there was going to be silksong today... Honestly I actually have no clue if its ever coming out. Oh well. I was putting on the direct at work I was so sure haha. I overslept by a few hours for my afterwork nap. Normally I don't like sleeping so long, but im sure my body needed it. I honestly kind of hate having to pile on more work after a long day, but i only have just two more papers to do and then im free. To say that I'm burnt out is an understatement. I honestly just want to animate lol.
7/30/25:
first entry! I don't know how to code so I won't bother :/ I made this as a place for me because I don't have any irl friends to share so the void it is I should honestly be doing my paper right now lol. If my days are worth a photo, then I'll try figuing out a way to add it in here to correspond to the entry so we will see! Anyway, I bought myself a bracelet and a replacement string for my ukelele so I'm excited! :D I never by myself nice things I dont know why I am so stingy with anything not 100% necessary for me. I should treat myself more often.
